you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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