i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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