i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
