I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
