You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
