It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
