when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
