she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
