Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Mom said you looked used
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
