went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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