i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
