There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm bleeding and have questions
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
