why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
