theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
