DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
