Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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