how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
