Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
People with herpes should wear stickers.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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