hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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