Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
