Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
