so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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