I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
