I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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