this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
