if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
