I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
