we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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