My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
