We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
