Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
