I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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