I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
