i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
