you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
