I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
