so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
