This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
