Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
