I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
