nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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