ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
