i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
we're so committed to being not committed
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
