apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
