are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
