I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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