I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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