Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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