next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
