I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
