Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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