I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
