I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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