I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
