Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
