so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
